Friday, October 31, 2008

MAE WEST

.


LADIES AND GENTLEMEN



MAE WEST


I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.


I've been in more laps than a napkin.

I've been things and seen places.

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.

When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

A hard man is good to find.

Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.

A man in the house is worth two in the street.

A man's kiss is his signature.

A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

Any time you've got nothing to do and lots of time to do it come on up.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.

Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.

Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.

His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.

I always say, keep a diary and someday it'll keep you.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.

I didn't discover curves; I only uncovered them.

I enjoyed the courtroom as just another stage but not so amusing as Broadway.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

I like a man who's good, but not too good - for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.

I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far.

I never loved another person the way I loved myself.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

I only have 'yes' men around me. Who needs 'no' men?

I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.

I see you're a man with ideals. I better be going before you've still got them.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.

I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any.

It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

It takes two to get one in trouble.

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.

Look your best - who said love is blind?

Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art.

Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

One and one is two, and two and two is four, and five will get you ten if you know how to work it.

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is.

Personality is the most important thing to an actress's success.

Right now I think censorship is necessary; the things they're doing and saying in films right now just shouldn't be allowed. There's no dignity anymore and I think that's very important.

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.

Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.

Sex is emotion in motion.

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.

The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

The score never interested me, only the game.

To err is human, but it feels divine.

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

MAE WEST



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Monday, October 27, 2008

ORISON SWETT MARDEN QUOTES




ORISON SWETT MARDEN



SUCCESS


All who have accomplished great things have had a great aim, have fixed their gaze on a goal which was high, one which sometimes seemed impossible.

Deep within man dwell those slumbering powers; powers that would astonish him, that he never dreamed of possessing; forces that would revolutionize his life if aroused and put into action.

If you do not feel yourself growing in your work and your life broadening and deepening, if your task is not a perpetual tonic to you, you have not found your place.

Joyfulness keeps the heart and face young. A good laugh makes us better friends with ourselves and everybody around us.

No man can be ideally successful until he has found his place. Like a locomotive he is strong on the track, but weak anywhere else.

Nothing else so destroys the power to stand alone as the habit of leaning upon others. If you lean, you will never be strong or original. Stand alone or bury your ambition to be somebody in the world.

Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them... they are liable to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight.

The best thing about giving of ourselves is that what we get is always better than what we give. The reaction is greater than the action.

The Creator has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.

The Universe is one great kindergarten for man. Everything that exists has brought with it its own peculiar lesson.

There is no investment you can make which will pay you so well as the effort to scatter sunshine and good cheer through your establishment.

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow.

There is no stimulus like that which comes from the consciousness of knowing that others believe in us.

What power can poverty have over a home where loving hearts are beating with a consciousness of untold riches of the head and heart?


ORISON SWETT MARDEN


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Sunday, October 26, 2008

BELA LUGOSI QUOTES




A TASTE OF BELA LUGOSI


A screen actor is compensated in the knowledge that millions will see his performance at one time, where only hundreds will see it on the stage.

Actors were exploited no less by the capitalist managers than they were by the state.

Because of my language and the pantomime with which most Europeans accompany their speech, I was cataloged as a heavy.

Circumstances made me the theatrical personality I am, which many people believe is also a part of my personal life.

Death, the final, triumphant lover.

Every actor is somewhat mad, or else he'd be a plumber or a bookkeeper or a salesman.

I don't have a dime left. I am dependent on my friends for food and a small old-age pension.

I enjoy my work. I haven't been an actor for 30 years without getting pleasure out of the profession.

I have lived too completely, I think. I have known every human emotion.

I have never met a vampire personally, but I don't know what might happen tomorrow.

I have played Dracula a thousand times on stage and I find I have become thoroughly settled in the technique of the stage and not of the screen.

I look in the mirror and say to myself, Can it be you once played Romeo?

I never play without my cape.

I studied at the Budapest Academy of Theatrical Arts for four years and emerged with a degree.

I'd like to quit the supernatural roles and play just an interesting, down-to-earth person.

I'll be truthful. The weekly paycheck is the most important thing to me.

I've been using narcotics for 20 years.

If you are not serious, people will sense it.

In Hungary acting is a profession. In America it is a decision.

In Hungary, acting is a career for which one fits himself as earnestly as one studies for a degree in medicine, law, or philosophy.

It is women who bear the race in bloody agony. Suffering is a kind of horror. Blood is a kind of horror. Women are born with horror in their very bloodstream. It is a biological thing.

It is women who love horror. Gloat over it. Feed on it. Are nourished by it. Shudder and cling and cry out-and come back for more.

It took me years to live down Dracula and convince the film producers that I would play almost any other type of role.

It was hell to go through what I went through. I didn't know I had so many friends. Many people gave a damn about my situation. They helped cure me.

Martyrdom was the price of enthusiasm for acting.

My body grew hot, then cold. I tried to eat the bed sheets. My heart beat madly. Every joint in my body ached. When I took the cure they took it all away from me.

My close-up was magnificent!

Of all the roles I've done on the stage, I'm partial to Cyrano De Bergerac.

The role seemed to demand that I keep myself worked up to fever pitch, so I took on the actual attributes of the horrible vampire, Dracula.

The screen magnifies everything, even the way you are thinking.

The vampire was a complete change from the usual romantic characters I was playing, but it was a success.

Without movie parts I was reduced to freak status. I just couldn't stand it.

You can't make people believe in you if you play a horror part with your tongue in your cheek.


Bela Lugosi


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DOROTHY PARKER QUOTES




DOROTHY PARKER


1. It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

2. “If, with the literate, I am
Impelled to try an epigram,
I never seek to take the credit;
We all assume that Oscar said it.”

3. That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

4. Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

5. Oh seek, my love, your newer way;
I'll not be left in sorrow.
So long as I have yesterday
Go take your damned tomorrow!

6. "I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
After four I'm under my host!"

7. "I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it."

Dorothy Parker


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EMO PHILIPS QUOTES



EMO PHILIPS

I'm a great lover,


I'll bet.

*******
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
*******
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
*******
Actually, my CD was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.
*******
How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.
*******
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'
*******
I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.
*******
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
*******
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
*******
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
*******
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
*******
People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi.
*******
Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.
*******
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
*******
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
*******
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.
*******
Emo Philips

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Saturday, October 25, 2008

H. L. MENKEN QUOTES




Conscience



Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.

Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.

As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it.

Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies.

Don't overestimate the decency of the human race.

Every man is his own hell.

Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.


H. L. Mencken


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JOSH BILLINGS QUOTES



JOSH BILLING'S



COMMON SENSE


A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.

A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadfully uneasy to take.

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.

Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at.

Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it.

Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too.

It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.

Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words

Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.

Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.

There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.

There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.

The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm.

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.

Josh Billings

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LILY TOMLIN QUOTES




I LOVE LILY!



Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

The best mind-altering drug is truth.

The road to success is always under construction.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Lily Tomlin

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RITA RUDNER QUOTES




Ladies and Gentlemen


Rita Rudner


Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.


Rita Rudner



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MOTHER TERESA QUOTES




MOTHER TERESA


Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.

Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.

Even the rich are hungry for love, for being cared for, for being wanted, for having someone to call their own.

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.

God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try.

Good works are links that form a chain of love.

I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.

I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness.

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.

I try to give to the poor people for love what the rich could get for money. No, I wouldn't touch a leper for a thousand pounds; yet I willingly cure him for the love of God.

I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor. Do you know your next door neighbor?

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

If we want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.

In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.

Intense love does not measure, it just gives.

It is a kingly act to assist the fallen.

It is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy.

It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.

Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.

Let us more and more insist on raising funds of love, of kindness, of understanding, of peace. Money will come if we seek first the Kingdom of God - the rest will be given.

Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go.

Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work.

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.

...it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that action.

Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home.

One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.

Peace begins with a smile.

Sweetest Lord, make me appreciative of the dignity of my high vocation, and its many responsibilities. Never permit me to disgrace it by giving way to coldness, unkindness, or impatience.

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.

There must be a reason why some people can afford to live well. They must have worked for it. I only feel angry when I see waste. When I see people throwing away things that we could use.

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.

We, the unwilling,led by the unknowing,are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much,for so long,with so little,we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.


Mother Teresa



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QUOTES ON LOVE




IF NOT FOR LOVE THAN WHAT


STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART

***********************

"Love is the only paved road
The only one will take the load"

Armand

"Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius."

Mozart

"We are never so helplessly unhappy as when we lose love."
Sigmund Freud

"Platonic love is like an inactive volcano."
Andre Pevost

"Love is indescribable and unconditional. I could tell you a thousand things that it is not, but not one that it is."
Duke Ellington

"The story of a love is not important - what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity."
Helen Hayes

"To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others."
Francois Mauriac

"To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven."
Karen Sunde

"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
Henry David Thoreau

"Love is not blind -- it simply enables one to see things others fail to see."
Anonymous

"The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed."
J. Krishnamurti

"All you need is love."
John Lennon

"One makes mistakes; that is life. But it is never a mistake to have loved."
Romain Rolland

"Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses."
Thomas Robert Dewar

"We cannot tell the precise moment when love is formed. As in the filling of a vessel drop by drop, there is at last one which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over."
Unknown

How special our union, that even a whisper of the love we share, sounds mightier than any roar of discontent.
Armand

"Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire."
Francois de La Rouchefoucauld

"There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved."
George Sand

"True love begins when nothing is looked for in return."
Antoine De Saint-Exupery

"Love, you know, seeks to make happy rather than to be happy."
Ralph Connor

"The best feelings are those that have no words to describe them...."
Michelle Hammersley

"A heart that loves is always young."
A Greek Proverb

Love is like a seed. Once planted it has to be nurtured so it will blossom.
Armand

"Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever."
Anonymous

"I have loved to the point of madness;
That which is called madness,
That which to me,
Is the only sensible way to love."

F. Sagan

"To be in love is merely to be
In a state of perpetual anesthesia:
To mistake an ordinary young man for a Greek god
Or an ordinary young woman for a goddess."

H.L. Mencken

"Other men said they have seen angels,
But I have seen thee
And thou art enough."

G. Moore

"I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion -
I have shudder'd at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr'd for my religion
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you."

John Keats

"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"Love is a portion of the soul itself,
and it is of the same nature as the
celestial breathing of the atmosphere of paradise."

Victor Hugo

"The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love."
Pearl Bailey

"Real love is never a part time affair but a joyous celebration forever more."

Armand

"The heart has reasons that reason does not understand."
Jacques Benigne Bossuel

"It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
Alfred, Lord Tennyson

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"
Sam Keen

"If I know what love is, it is because of you."
Herman Hesse

"In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities."
Janos Arnay

"
My love, the spaces between your fingers were created so mine could fill them, now and always. "
Armand

"Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me."
Sarah Bernhardt

"And when your gone who will wake every morn' to lift the sun, unveil the sky, etch in the clouds, who will paint the rainbow ."
Armand




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QUOTES ON KISSING



IT'S IN THEIR KISS
A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years.
~Rupert Brooke
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
~ Ingrid Bergman
It takes a lot of experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner.
~No Way to Treat a Lady
Kisses kept are wasted;
Love is to be tasted.
~Torn Between Two Lovers
The most eloquent silence; that of two mouths meeting in a kiss.
~These Thousand Hills
I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.
~Chico Marx
"I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them."
~ Mae West
I never thought that love could feel like this - then you changed my world with just one kiss.
~Days of Wine and Roses

I ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers - turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me good-night!
~The Long Hot Summer
A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition.
~ Clare Whiting

If you are ever in doubt as to whether or not you should kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of a doubt.
~ Thomas Carlyle
If I have too I'll steal a kiss and serve my sentence gladly.
~ armandhamouth

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
~ Bob Hope
'Twas not my lips you kissed
But my soul.
~ Judy Garland

Her lips on his could tell him better than all her stumbling words.
~ Margaret Mitchell
A kiss, and all was said.
~ Victor Hugo
A kiss is something you cannot
give without taking and cannot
take without giving.
~Ike
She kissed me once, and owned me forever more.
~ armand



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W. C. FIELDS QUOTES



W. C. Fields


W. C. Fields
*******

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

*******


A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

*******


Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

*******


Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

*******


Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

*******


Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

*******


Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

*******


I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

*******


I never drink water. The fish fuck in it.

*******


I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

*******


I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.)

*******


I drink therefore I am.

*******


I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

*******


Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

*******


Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money , than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

*******


The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

********

W. C. Fields



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MARK TWAIN QUOTES














































































Mark Twain


Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Mark Twain

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Mark Twain

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

Mark Twain

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

Mark Twain

Buy land, they're not making it anymore.

Mark Twain

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.

Mark Twain

Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.

Mark Twain










































































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