GEORGE BURNS QUOTES

.

PEOPLE THE GRACE OF GEORGE Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. At my age flowers scare me. Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked. I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill. I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it. If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two. Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair. When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. George Burns

.